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August 22, 2003
Beauty and the Beast and Phantom of the Opera were so beautiful. I wished you all were with me though. I'll tell you more in person. Well, tomorrow, in the early morning, I will be driving to Ocean City and living in the ocean for 5 days. Which, might suck, since some of you know why, but I'll have fun besides that. I miss you all so much. I come home in 9 days, but it seems so long until then. I am just paranoid. That you don't miss me. That you don't love me. And yeah, some of you have yelled at me for it and tried to convince me otherwise. So I leave, and all hell breaks loose? I leave and things change? Maybe I am just clinically insane, but this is my thinking and my thoughts, and it's easier to get them out than bottle them up inside.
August 19, 2003
I. got. director. for. Siege of. Room. 304. Here's the email Orth sent me: Typical Seemer, you add your own flair to something even when you are being short and to the point. You will be student director for the Siege of Room 304. See me when you return from your trip. *runs around* I am so...excited. I have never been more excited in my life. I am crying with happiness. This is the most excited I've been in a while. This is one thing I know I deserve.
August 17, 2003
Good morning sunshine. *smiles* I FUCKING MISS YOU AND I LOVE YOU. I have to keep this short, so...yeah. Well, Tuesday I get to see Beauty and the Beast on Broadway, and then sometime after that, PHANTOM OF THE OPERA. We got lost in Time Square (how I don't know...) and we had some panic attacks during the power outage (oh, and for everyone's knowledge, I DID NOT TAKE A SLEDGEHAMMER TO A POWER PLANT AND KNOCK OUT THE POWER FOR THE ENTIRE EAST COAST. I would never do that...) Well, it's time for me to split. I doubt I'll be online on AIM, but I'll try to convince my Aunt Mina to let me download it. *hugs and kisses* Goodbye dearest. Remember that I love you and miss you to pieces!
August 13, 2003
"Downtown"
When you're alone and life is making you lonely
You can always go - downtown
When you've got worries, all the noise and the hurry
Seems to help, I know - downtown
Just listen to the music of the traffic in the city
Linger on the sidewalk where the neon signs are pretty
How can you lose?
The lights are much brighter there
You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares
So go downtown, things'll be great when you're
Downtown - no finer place, for sure
Downtown - everything's waiting for you
Don't hang around and let your problems surround you
There are movie shows - downtown
Maybe you know some little places to go to
Where they never close - downtown
Just listen to the rhythm of a gentle bossa nova
You'll be dancing with him too before the night is over
Happy again
The lights are much brighter there
You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares
So go downtown, where all the lights are bright
Downtown - waiting for you tonight
Downtown - you're gonna be all right now
And you may find somebody kind to help and understand you
Someone who is just like you and needs a gentle hand to
Guide them along
So maybe I'll see you there
We can forget all our troubles, forget all our cares
So go downtown, things'll be great when you're
Downtown - don't wait a minute for
Downtown - everything's waiting for you
Downtown, downtown, downtown, downtown ...
Lovely song eh? It reminds me of all of you, but I am going to dedicate it to KiraLyn for certain reasons, since I was with her when I first heard it, and then we sang it together. I LOVE YOU KIRA...Anyways...Yup, it's after 4 am, and I haven't gotten a wink of sleep. I am afraid I'm going to miss something. I want to be HERE and AWAKE all day today. I don't want to miss anything. Except that's impossible. I miss you all so much already. I will make sure to say goodbye to you, but if I miss you, call my dad's and harrass me about it ok? Myabe I'm just blowing thing out of porportion, but it feels to me like I'm leaving my whole self behind and it's the end of the world. Meh. I don't know what else to say. I will miss you all so much, and like I said, I already do. I cannot stop thinking about how much I love and miss you all. It's like...you've all grown to become a part of me, and having to leave is like leaving my body, myself, my everything behind- and I'm just a wandering nothing until I get home...
August 12, 2003
God I am tired. I had a stupid fucking ortho appointment about an hour ago, but I've got coffee pulsing through my veins, so I guess I'll be awake for a bit. I hate waking up early. I have all these painful deja vus and they fucking suck. I hate the early mornings. They depress me and remind me of painful things. Gah...anyways...so I leave tomorrow. Eh, pain is pain and I'll guess I will live. It's just hard, ya know? Well, onto something impressing...I have lasted a month without cutting. That's fucking hard yo. So fucking hard. But I'm trying. Maybe I'll be OK....
August 11, 2003
I miss you all already. Kira, wish I could be here for Edwina. Carroll, wish I could be here for the Rennaisance Festival. Ashley, I wish I could be here when Robert comes home. Alyssa, I wish I could be here to see you finally move everything into your new house. Annis, I wish I could be here when you come home. I just wish I could fucking stay. And yet there's part of me that WANTS to go. Anyways...I will be emailing all of you before I go. And if I get the chance, I will CALL you people. Yes...hmmmm....it's just this pre-emptines thing, pre-sadness, pre-whatever. *sigh* That is my biggest fear; separation from those I love. Will you forget me? I don't know. Will you miss me? I hope so. Will you think about me? I know you will. Will you be happy to see me come home? That I don't know...
August 9, 2003
4 days everyone...then I'm gone till September 1st. I hope some of you will miss me or something. Please don't forget about me while I'm gone. Don't erase me when I'm not here. Whatever...Yes it's August. Kira spent the night last night and we sat on the roof and watched Girl, Interrupted, and did other numerous things. Yeah...And now I hurt. From chipping and scracthing and cutting and slipping outside all day, helping my dad with chipping this huge pile of wood in the backyard. Gah...it was not fun. And then my neighbor decided to rat about me to my dad right when I was there, joking about suicide and my looks and the music I listen to and how I am/was dressed, and I wanted to tip him fucking dick first into the wood chipper. See how HE likes his wood chipped off...
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